Note: I don’t often do personal posts, but as the year ends I think it’s important to show growth. xo
2013: What happened?
The New Year
I started off this year at the top of the Empire State Building. The rest of the year was never going to compare to the harsh whips of wind against my face at the top of one of the most inspirational buildings in the world. It’s the only building I can sketch from memory, and the only thing I draw from instinct. I had been to New York twice already, but this would be my last in a while and I sat in an accepting silence in that mustard yellow taxi back to JFK. Sometimes great loves have to stand still, until real life slows down. The day I came home and hit pause on my love for New York, I hit the start button on my relationship with Rhys.
The first few months of the year were some of the hardest. I was dirt poor, and stuck in a rut. I started to hate my job, and I always promised myself that when I started to actively dislike my job and when I started to dread work before it even began, that it was time to move on. Finding a new job wasn’t as easy as I had hoped, and I have still yet to find it.
It was the Spring when the first great loss came to us. In February, Alfie, our boxer dog, had to leave us. A tumour on his heart had ruptured. He knew no illness until that final 24 hours, he had no suffering. That first great loss impacted our family tremendously, as we then had to keep Jack calm and peaceful without Alfie (his non-biological brother, we are a 21st century family after all). My parents started looking for new puppies, as company for Jack and a new project to take care of.
The summer months were my time of great endings, and fresh beginnings. I suffered my second great loss and was burdened with a heartache that has defined me. Jack, our other boxer dog, was diagnosed with lung cancer. We were told we had more time. We weren’t given it. This was my most painful loss- Jack was ten years old, and my best friend. Six months on, his ageing collar lays stays with me, as does his endless bravery and the memory of his little scrunched up face. A week before he left us, Madison and Yogi arrived to join the tribe.
As with one loss, came another. A pivotal friendship came to an abrupt ending, and was closed with bitterness and threats of legal papers. As the year closes, the situation has not been resolved. However the 12 year old friendship has been reduced to silence. I doubt that there is little regret on either side.
As July ended, I moved in with Rhys. It was the easiest decision I ever had to make.
As the leaves turned to burnt orange and the air became crisp, the growing pains of the season mimicked the growing pains of my year. I was struggling with the feeling of failure, and as the leaves left the trees so did my self pity. I decided to become more pro-active, and Goldilocks Notebook became more varied with content. I used to only write about things that really hit a sore spot with me, or inspired great thought. Now, I still blog about those things – I still blog about Barack Obama, and newsworthy stories but I also write about television, movies, beauty products, and Goldilocks has conformed to the conventions of a magazine more than anything else. During October, I also became a contributing writer at GenTwenty.com and write on a bi-weekly basis for the website. They say you should only blog about one topic, but you can’t define a writer that way. We’re so much more than one thing. We all have roots, but we all have to grow branches in several directions before we know what we are truly meant for.
Traditionally, this is my favourite season despite it’s habit of treating me badly. It began with unexpected return home due to my dad being in hospital. Luckily, everything turned out fine but it did involve me having to deal with my irrational fear of hospitals for a few hours every day. Thanks for that, Dad. I started a local marketing campaign for my blog known as The Goldilocks Experiment, and I started to utilise Twitter and Bloglovin’ to their full potential. I also slipped in work and damaged my ankle, so that was a delight. I worked a whole 3 days with it, and made it worse. This however, means I can now sit at home for a few days and stare at Chuck Bass. Then I will complain at Rhys for not owning more bow ties. This year will become a ghost, and take along our demons with it.
How was your 2013? Share it with me on Twitter, or leave a comment.