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For a large part of my life I grew up with the characters of Gossip Girl. I was the target demographic of the show, and week upon week it enthralled me with it’s silly gossip, cruel scheming and sequin cardigans. I don’t know the meaning of guilty pleasures – anything I love, I love with little shame. Between the ages of 17 and 22, I was devoted to Chuck Bass and his scarf. Lies, I am still very much devoted. Anyone who watched the show liked to think they were a Blair, a Serena, or a Little J, in the same way people associated their personalities with Friends characters.
I could be Blair, I’ve lashed enough people with scolding remarks to be. I also like a headband. I could be Serena Van Der Woodsen, I’ve made enough stupid mistakes to be. I also like her hair. But no way could I ever be Dan Humphrey. So judgmental, so narrow minded, and such a wannabe. I could never be Dan Humphrey. Except, it seems that I am. Drat.
Reasons We Are All Dan Humphrey, in one way or another.
1. We’re poor, fist pump if you know how to use public transport!
2. We write based on observation, yes I did see that thing you did with that person you shouldn’t have, or I at least heard about it.
3. We always have information, and no one knows how we got it. I call it being resourceful. It is why I will make an excellent journalist one day.
4. We had to work hard for everything we got, and we had to step on people’s feelings along the way.
5. We want to be part of a world that we can’t reach.
6. We love to read pretentious literature. We like waffles, too.
7. We all have a Vanessa. However, that part is best forgotten about.
8. We have been insiders of an iron clad social circle.
Reasons I am not Dan Humphrey.
1. I have not been published by The New Yorker, or Vanity Fair. I also haven’t had my own book tour. Which really, is such a shame.
2. I do not own a Cabbage Patch Kid. Hey, Cedric!
3. I am not judgmental. I’m no where near any moral high ground.
4. My friends aren’t collateral damage. Lucky things.
5. I do not have hair like a muppet. I try to have hair like Serena. You should see my hair flip.
We can all be the ultimate insider when we want, but we will still always be an intruder and that’s not so bad. Whether it is where you work, or whether it is just in the tiny wholesome town that you grew up in, we all know information that can damage a reputation. Do you use it? Do you want to? The point is, Dan Humphrey had power all along. That’s something I can get on board with, as long as I can have a headband. Beat on your drums, bloggers – write what you know, it worked for Lonely Boy. They say information is power – isn’t that right, young grasshoppers?
Side Note: Don’t go exposing any secrets, unless it’s actually news. No one wants slander on their permanent record, and we all need friends.